Skip to main content

Why always her?

I am glad to see the changes that our society is slowly adopting to and the things we keep unlearning. Most of us have been raised in a place where the society has always had an opinion over women even before she speaks or we get to know her. Girls grow up knowing “their lane”. For a long time we have had certain jobs set out for women. But am glad times are changing now; anyone can thrive anywhere. She is raised to “fit” in her place.

If a marriage breaks and a woman has had enough and decides to leave, the society is quick to call her impatient. If the man remarries, no one remembers the first wife; no one judges him when he does. In fact, some say, “a man cannot stay like that.” But if the woman remarries, she is quickly judged and efforts to shame her are relentless.

When a boss lady shouts at an employee, she is termed too emotional. They go on to say, “no wonder women bosses are the worst.” But if a man shouts, he is only being a man, authoritative. As though one can read emotion and authority in a tone.

When she likes things considered for men, for example, cars, machines, football, etc, they say she is trying too hard to be a man. She is constantly reminded of girly things that should be her place. If she finds it easier to fix a car puncture than to make chapatis, she will have problems in her marriage.
If she prefers t-shirts over flowery tops, she is dubbed a tomboy. Some religions even have a preferred dressing code for her.

When she loves too much and holds on to an abusive relationship, she is stupid, “she’ll get herself killed.” When she decides to walk away, the society has no place for divorcees.

When she works hard and makes her own living, she is too independent. When she’s a stay home mum, she is too lazy, “she should get a job.”

Sometimes in a relationship, she is made to choose the relationship over her career. A choice not many men get to make. One I think should never have to be made.

It is her to make the adjustments to fit into what the man has in a new relationship.

If she can’t cook, she was not well raised.

If she speaks her mind boldly in the presence of men, she is disrespectful and clearly does not know her place.

If she hits thirty without being married, “who will marry you when you are old?”

If she is working hard and doing well at work, it is likely she has abandoned her home.
She cannot lead, women are too emotional.

Her eyebrows are too bushy, she needs to thread them. She doesn’t shave, is she even a woman?
Women who wear make-ups have esteem issues.

“You should try heels sometimes.” Who leaves the house in 6 inches to use a matatu?

“Wear clothes that show your curves…”. Who is she trying to impress now?

Gets a promotion at work. “Her whoring paid off after all.”

If she writes such a piece, she is an angry feminist.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Of partial truths that alter history in the long run

There is this meme on social media that talks of how men lie and how it is possible Eve did not even eat the fruit at the garden of Eden and probably Adam did and lied about it considering it is him with left over evidence of an Adam’s apple down his throat.  The other day a local TV station ran a story of Wangu Wa Makeri and turns out all I was taught about her is pure lies. Turns out she was a firm leader and not that she actually sat on men’s back. She would not be intimidated and was hell bent to do what she thought was right, something that did not rub well with many men. This is not the history me and most people read about her. If anything, we grew up ridiculing her methods and being told not to be like her, a woman should be humble. It is also such narratives that have left women struggling in their positions of power and further cementing the theory that women are not leaders. When she is bold and firm on her decisions, she is a Wangu wa Makeri in the office, “anakal...
Post a Comment
Read more

Stop using women to spice up your insults

Over the years, the good, the bad and the beautiful have been associated with women. A beautiful car is likely to be given a woman’s name. Hurricanes that destroy things are often named after women. People in their good times tend to name things after women too. Over the years, we have also seen weakness being associated with women. We have seen people insult others using a woman in their insult, this is wrong. You will hear someone say, “you punch like a girl”, to mean your punch is weak. Some will also say, “Come and face me like a man” to mean with boldness. It insinuates men have a “better/bolder” way of dealing with issues. All the above insinuate that women are weaker than men. One would be right to say such language has been detrimental to the feminism agenda of fighting for equality. Such language only appeals to patriarchy. In my country-Kenya- we have seen this language being used over and over by public figures. They use women to “spice up” their insults. You will he...
Post a Comment
Read more

Of Equity and Equality

More often than not, conversations about equality start off as just that-conversations- but speedily escalate to debates. I would know, I have been in many of those. Those against the equality agenda turn the debate into an English lesion trying to argue out what equality and equity really means and how equity is what we should seek instead of equality. Whilst there may be point to their opinion, it is the way they fight equality that makes void their whole point.  According to many, equality is the enemy. Well then, let’s get into some English lesson then and let us understand better what these two words really mean: Equity - Justice, impartiality or fairness. Equality -The equal treatment of people irrespective of social or cultural differences.  - The fact of being equal, of having the same value. After that brief English lesson up there, we can all agree, both equity and equality are noble pursuits that all humans should be involved in. They that advocate for e...
Post a Comment
Read more